THE SIGNAL

Mom always said that too much TV would rot your brain, and in this nightmare scenario, a deadly signal broadcast over the boob tube turns people into raving maniacs. All devices that receive transmission signals — e.g., TVs, radios, cell phones — suddenly start emitting a sonic blast that transforms ordinary individuals into raving, homicidal lunatics. In three separate stories, the lives of people affected by this horrifying predicament are explored.

Cast Anessa Ramsey, Sahr, AJ Bowen, Matt Stanton, Suehyla El-Attar, Justin Welborn
Director(s) David Bruckner, Jacob Gentry, Dan Bush
Writer(s) David Bruckner, Jacob Gentry, Dan Bush
Status In theaters (limited)
Genre(s) Horror
Release Date Feb. 22, 2008
Running Time 99 minutes
Web Site signalmovie.com

Who's in It: Anessa Ramsey, AJ Bowen, Justin Welborn, Scott Poythress

The Basics: A freak TV transmission turns everyone into zombie-like homicidal maniacs. Two young adulterous lovers try to survive the carnage and escape their suddenly chaotic town — called "Terminus" by the way — that's gone all bloodbath-insane. Indie all the way, it's harsh, jolting, funny and a strangely cool little calling card for its trio of writers/directors: David Bruckner, Jacob Gentry and Dan Bush.

What's the Deal? I know that the whole TV-turns-people-into-psychotic-zombies thing just made it sound like it could end up being a lame "message" horror movie, but it's really not. The only real skating-on-thin-ice element is that it does have a lot in common with the latest wave of hipster zombie comedy/end-of-the-world movies. But if it's true that horror reflects the anxiety of its era, then you should expect that ironic doom-themed gags mixed with decapitations are the way we live now. And it's nowhere near the last apocalypse-right-now one you'll be sold either. Be grateful, then, that this a good, fast, cheap gore-fest with way more brains than any of the Saw movies.

"The Last Girl" … That's what writer Carol J. Clover calls the standard-issue-horror-movie final-woman-standing in her really interesting book about feminism and gender in horror films called Men, Women and Chainsaws. And newcomer Anessa Ramsey gives what could have been a stock character more points of interest and real-life humanity than you're used to getting.

Great Double-Feature Companion Films: Given the number of spousal ax murderings going on here, it'd be most enjoyable with War of the Roses, Ingmar Bergman's Scenes From a Marriage and My Bloody Valentine.

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CHARLIE BARTLETT

Anton Yelchin comes up with the perfect plan to win friends after moving to a new school: He becomes his classmates' "psychiatrist" — and freely dispenses questionable advice. The new kid in school (Anton Yelchin) hits upon a unique way to make friends: He becomes a classroom psychologist dispensing advice to the student body. Now, if only he can honor his own counsel.
Cast Anton Yelchin, Robert Downey Jr., Hope Davis, Kat Dennings, Tyler Hilton, Jake Epstein
Director(s) John Poll
Writer(s) Gustin Nash
Status In theaters (wide)
Genre(s) Comedy
Release Date Feb. 22, 2008
Running Time 97 minutes
Web Site charliebartlett-themovie.com

Who's in It: Anton Yelchin, Hope Davis, Robert Downey Jr.

The Basics: Hey, parents, remember that loveable, irrepressible Ferris Bueller? Remember how his big rebellion was skipping school and going to an art museum and eating pancreas, lip-synching to a Beatles song and then crashing an expensive car? Well now, he's a drug dealer, giving your kids prescription anti-depressants while the clueless adults all around him let it happen right under their noses.

What's the Deal? It's tough to know what to say about a movie like this. On the one hand, anti-drug hysteria in this country is such a joke that it's a joke that's not even funny anymore. If drugs were all that bad, reggae wouldn't exist and there wouldn't be a medical-marijuana store on every block in my Los Angeles neighborhood. On the other hand, I personally know of a 17-year-old who overdosed and died because some moronic teen dealer she knew gave her some toxic stuff. So instead, why don't we just talk about whether the movie is funny or not? And the answer is: sorta.

What's Good: Yelchin is a likeable Ferris clone (I'd say "2.0," but the teen rebel is such a cliché that there've been countless numbers of them on screens before and after Matthew Broderick), and he carries the whole movie with a bounce that lesser young actors would have turned into smug jerkfaceness.

What's Not: All the stock characters and their stock problems (popularity being the all-time No. 1 "issue" that never seems to go away) get wrapped up a little too neatly because, above all, this is a film that wants to be cute first, satirical second.

Who Wins: As always, Hope Davis. Here she's the boozy, out-of-it mom who treats her son more like a surrogate mate than a child she's supposed to be raising. Think Annette Bening in Running With Scissors but much less hammy and psychotic.

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WITLESS PROTECTION

Larry the Cable Guy tries to do the right thing by saving a beautiful "kidnapped" woman (Ivana Milicevic) but gets pursued by a team of crooked FBI agents for his troubles. A small-town sheriff (Larry the Cable guy) is just doing his job when he stops what he thinks is two men kidnapping a woman (Ivana Milicevic). However, the "kidnappers" claim to be FBI agents who are only escorting their charge to a major trial in Chicago, so the sheriff lets them go. Later on, the lawman discovers that the agents are actually dirty and really are trying to kill the witness.
Cast Larry the Cable Guy, Ivana Milicevic, Yaphet Kotto, Peter Stormare, Eric Roberts, Joe Mantegna
Director(s) Charles Robert Carner
Writer(s) Charles Robert Carner
Status In theaters (wide)
Genre(s) Comedy
Release Date Feb. 22, 2008
Running Time 97 minutes
Web Site witlessprotectionmovie.com


Who's in It: Larry the Cable Guy, Jenny McCarthy, Ivana Milicevic, Peter Stormare, Joe Mantegna

The Basics: Larry the Cable Guy accidentally kidnaps Ivana Milicevic (model turned funny character actress; you've seen her before) because he thinks he's saving her from shady-looking men who've already abducted her. In reality, she's in witness protection and her "kidnappers" were FBI guys. What's Larry to do but whisk her off himself to solve the actual crime that's really going on and dumbly save the day?

What's the Deal? If I believed in such a thing as guilty pleasure then I guess Larry the Cable Guy's live-action-film output (Cars doesn't count) would be just that. Because his films are all, without exception, horrible pieces of crap. But since I don't think guilt serves any purpose in life, or that D-list Internet film critics like me serve much more purpose, I know that I have nothing to lose in terms of credibility or respect of my peers by announcing my love of this man's movies. They are crass, they are sub-lowest-common-denominator "funny," they are obvious, they seem barely written. And I want to stress that I'm not enjoying these films ironically. I'm not even saying that they're so bad they're good. I'm saying I laugh. I laugh a lot. Out loud. I don't know why. But I do. It feels good to confess this.

Trying to Explain Myself. It Won't Work. But I'll Try: I like how he's in on the joke — this idiotic redneck bubba is a fictional creation after all, just go find some of his old pre-"Larry" standup routines online, because they're out there and, believe me, you like him better as "Larry" than you will as Dan Whitney in a jacket with padded shoulders — and that he gets to revel in and mock his own character. He's not Peter Sellers; he's Jim Varney's less clever, half-naked spawn (It's funny because he's fat), and these films are this generation's Ernest Scared Stupid.

Favorite Parts: Well there's the bit on the pig farm. Wacky-antics-with-pigs is always good fun. But I think I like the fact that Peter Stormare and Joe Mantegna are here doing awful accents and pretending that they believe in the material. Or the fact that Jenny McCarthy will do anything.

What to Grade This Movie? You see the letter C up at the top of the review. That's what they call an "average" in math class. Because it's actually an F movie. But I had an A time.

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Youth Without Youth: A New Film About Choosing Good Over Evil

"Youth Without Youth" is an inspiring film written by Francis Ford Coppola about an old linguistics professor, who, through a series of events, finds his youth restored to him.

When Nazi scientists discover his miraculous rejuvenation, they take a high interest in determining how this happened and place Dominic Matei (played by Tim Roth) into exile. While he is running to escape, Dominic reunites with his long-lost love and soon finds himself having to choose between the love of his life and his life's work researching the origin of language. Which will he choose?

The film is based on a novel by Mircea Eliade. Dominic begins his journey in his hometown of Piatra-Neamt, but finds that he cannot stay here. He travels to Romania with plans to kill himself with high doses of strychnine. When a lightning strike derails his plans and burns him horribly, Dominic is taken to a local hospital. There he starts his change from an old man to a youthful man, which the treating physician, Professor Stanciulescu, contributes to the jolt of lightning that he experienced. It is there that Dominic is presented with his "double," a much younger rendition of himself. Soon, though, he must leave the hospital with a false identity because of the untoward publicity that he and his "double" have received.

Dominic winds up in a clinic where Professor Stanciulescu takes notes about his life experiences to try and make sense of what has happened to him.

During their interview, the "double" reappears unexpectedly. To this point, Dominic thought that the "double" must have been a figment of his imagination. To prove that he is real, the "double" demonstrates a miracle with roses. Unknown to Dominic, a mysterious woman in room six of the clinic gives the Gestapo recordings of nightly conversations with Dominic and then disappears. For fear of being kidnapped, Dominic flees to Switzerland with false papers provided by the Professor.

In Switzerland Dominic meets up with his beloved Veronica, a woman with whom he spends much of the rest of his journey. They travel to India to complete some research and then to Malta. In Malta Dominic discovers Veronica beginning to speak in different languages, but at first Veronica is not aware that she is doing this. Each time Veronica goes into these episodes, she becomes weaker, ages more, and her language becomes more ancient.

Dominic's "double" urges him to let her continue having these episodes, despite her suffering, so that the origin of language can be finally discovered. Because of his undying love for Veronica, Dominic cannot find it in his heart to do this. He believes that if he leaves the scene Veronica may regain her strength and youthfulness, so Dominic departs and returns back home to Piatra-Neamt.

While in his room resting, Dominic pulls out a picture of Veronica. She is youthful again and has two children. Now he knows that leaving her was the right thing to do. Dominic confronts his "double," trying to explain the difference between good and evil. The "double" insists that Dominic should have let Veronica go on to the origin of language, and that all of his research is wasted because he left her side.

Dominic ultimately shatters the mirror that brings forth his "double" to be rid of him completely. Within a short period of time, Dominic abruptly ages and dies. A rose, given by his love, appears in his outstretched hand.

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THE BAND'S VISIT

An Egyptian brass band heads to Israel to perform at the opening ceremony of a brand new Arab arts center. But when the musicians arrive, they are stranded at the airport and have no idea where to go. Eventually, they wind up at a tiny village in the desert, where they play for the locals.

Cast Sasson Gabai, Ronit Elkabetz, Saleh Bakri, Khalifa Natour
Director(s) Eran Kolirin
Writer(s) Eran Kolirin
Status In theaters (limited)
Genre(s) Drama
Release Date Feb. 8, 2008
Running Time 85 minutes
MPAA Rating PG-13 - for brief strong language
Web Site Official Site for The Band's Visit
Keywords Drama, Theatrical Release, Small Town Life, Jewish


REVIEW
Who's in It: Sasson Gabai, Ronit Elkabetz, Saleh Bakri
The Basics: Eight Egyptian musicians, members of the Alexandria Ceremonial Police Orchestra, find themselves stranded in the Israeli desert, struggling to get to their next concert at a cultural center. Along the journey they meet new friends and old enemies as the movie comments on the region's long-standing misery. It's kind of like a Middle Eastern version of every other episode of The Partridge Family where the bus breaks down in the middle of nowhere and their only hope is a cantankerous old prospector still living in a ghost town. These guys even have matching uniforms.

What's the Deal? Aside from veering into cute-overload territory from time to time, what this it's really good at is balancing the gently comic and the sad. All the characters carry around a burden of inherited cultural grief that seemingly no one in the Middle East can even bring themselves to talk about after decades of senseless war and suffering. It's that sense of "Well, maybe this could get better someday even though it probably won't — but wouldn't it be nice if it did?" It trumps any preciousness you might find annoying at first.

Where It Comes From: First feature from Israeli director Eran Kolirin. And you'd think that it would have been the kind of adorable puppy of a foreign-language film the Academy would have picked for a Best Foreign Film nod. But nope. So now it's on its own.

Favorite Scene: While trying to make a connection with the men, a female restaurant owner talks about how she used to love to watch Egyptian films on television and how the streets would be empty because everyone else was watching the same thing. If melancholy is your favorite flavor then this is where to get it.

Double-Feature It With: Half Moon, the 2007 Kurdish movie about a similar band of musicians on a futile journey. Of course Moon is even more mournful and fatalist than this one, but also incredibly moving and beautiful. And because about 13 people who weren't film critics saw it in this country, I wanted to recommend it again.

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